Here’s a confession: I don’t think I can remember a time when I wasn’t depressed. Its been this way sinced middle school i think. I go to school and Sometimes I see friends on weekends and I think I do a pretty good job of looking happy, but then I get home and I’m by myself and I feel so lonely. I think it’s always been in my nature to be a loner but somewhere along the way “not wanting people to worry about me” became “not wanting anyone to see me”.

And so I sit at home by myself and pretend it’s normal to feel like nobody knows you. Sometimes I forget I have family or friends. I just forget they exist. And those are scary times because the are when I convinse myself that I’m insignificant. Like I live in a world where I can watch all these wonderful things but never be a part of them.

And sure I’ve thought of getting help. A councilor or something. But then I start thinking why do I even need one? Its just money getting thrown away for my irrational sadness. Because I’ve never been starving, or abused, or molested, or poor, or honestly hated. I’m just pathetic and talking about all the bad things that HAVENT happened in my life won’t fix it.

So this is what I look like. No acting. I’m just an insecure teenage girl with anxiety issues, a puffy blotchy face, fried hair, and bags under my eyes from sleep deprivation. Now wave goodbye because I’ll wake up tomorrow with the same mask I’ve had for years.